The KuroChristmas Project
by Maiden of the Moon
Summary: As a servant of Phantomhive, it's only natural that Sebastian should be able to spruce up old Christmas ditties. Enjoy your favorite holiday songs with a Kuroshitsuji twist! Finally: we find out what Sebastian gave Ciel over the '12 Eps of Kuro.'
1. Carol of the Summoning Bells

**Disclaimer:** I own neither "Kuro" or "Carol of the Bells."

**Author's Note:** The first of my Christmas/Kuro crossover songs. I thought it appropriate to start with one of my favorite traditional carols… especially since it was requested by so many people on my LJ. :3

**XXX**

**Carol of the (Summoning) Bells**

**  
**_To the Tune of: "Carol of the Bells"_

**XXX**

Hark hear the bells  
Cold golden bells  
Ring in his ear  
Saying "come here"

**X**

Demands resound  
Orders abound  
Villains to stop  
Rooms yet to mop  
Ding dong ding dong  
That is their song  
Insistent ring  
Interrupting

**X**

Dinner to make  
Cakes left to bake  
Windows to clean  
Plans to redeem

**X**

Lessons to do  
Teatime at two  
A master to dress  
Schedules' a mess

**X**

Kitchen's alight  
Garden's a fright  
Dishes destroyed  
Now he's annoyed

**X**

Busy, busy, busy, busy butler  
Busy, busy, busy, busy butler  
On he attends  
On without end  
Worked to the bone  
In the Earl's home

**X**

Ding dong ding dong

**XXX**


	2. Sebby Baby

**Disclaimer:** I own neither "Kuro" nor "Santa Baby."

**Author's Note:** This idea was just too perfect _not_ to play with. X3

**Warnings:** This gets kinda dirty. (Oh, Grell…)

**XXX**

**Sebby-baby**  
_To the Tune of: "Santa Baby"_

**XXX**

Sebby-baby, your little lord said I'd get my way  
For a day  
I was an awfully good girl  
So Sebby-baby, come over here and snuggle up tight

**X  
**  
Sebby-baby, they say you demons don't need to rest  
Let's test  
I'll keep you up all night long  
Sebby-baby, come over here and snuggle up tight

**X  
**  
Think of all the dolls I ripped  
Think of all the puppet strings I had to snip  
Next time I'll help even more  
But only if you settle the score  
(Boo doo bee doo)

**X  
**  
Sebby-honey, I wanna kiss and really that's not  
Remiss  
Be sure to wiggle that tongue  
Sebby-baby, come over here and snuggle up tight

**X  
**  
Sebby-cutie, your hand in mine would feel so sublime  
But in time  
You'll find yourself feeling more  
Sebby-baby, come over here and snuggle up tight

**X  
**  
Sebby-baby, let's see your pretty eyes glow like fire  
With desire  
And not desire to maim  
Sebby-baby, come over here and snuggle up tight

**X  
**  
Teach me the ways of servitude  
With lessons that the gentry would consider lewd  
Your master said you had to please  
So though you said your catch-phrase get back down on your knees  
(Boo doo bee doo)

**X  
**  
Sebby-baby, I really want to play with your head  
In bed  
And I don't mean your face  
Sebby-baby, come over here and snuggle up tight

**X  
**  
Come over here and snuggle up tight  
(Stop tryin' to kill me—that isn't nice!)

**XXX**


	3. We Wish You a Happy Birthday

**Disclaimer:** I own neither "Kuro" nor "We Wish You a Merry Christmas."

**Author's Note:** Lame, I know. Cheesy, too. But it's a short song, so I worked with what ideas I had. XD;

**XXX**

**We Wish You a Happy Birthday**  
_To the Tune of: "We Wish You a Merry Christmas"_

**XXX**

**Lizzie, Paula, Maylene, Bard, Finny, Tanaka (to Ciel):** We wish you a happy birthday  
We wish you a happy birthday  
We wish you a happy birthday and the best luck next year  
Things haven't gone well; you don't have much kin  
But you're safe now, we love you; there's no need to fear

**X**

Sebastian made Christmas pudding  
Sebastian made Christmas pudding  
Sebastian made Christmas pudding and has brought it out here

**X**

We won't go till there's a party  
We won't go till there's a party  
We won't go till there's a party so join in the cheer!

**X**

We wish you a happy birthday  
We wish you a happy birthday  
We wish you a happy birthday and the best luck next year

**XXX**


	4. We Three Shinigami

**Disclaimer:** I own neither "Kuro" nor "We Three Kings."

**Author's Note:** Since everyone seems to love the shinigami so much… ^_~

**Warnings:** This is based off of the full version of "We Three Kings." All five verses, baby! (Just FYI.)

**PS. **FF(dot)net readers, there are a lot of awesome mp3 downloads for these songs on my livejournal. :D (Which there is a link to on my bio. ;3)

**XXX**

**We Three Shinigami**  
_To the Tune of: "We Three Kings"_

**XXX**

**All:** We three gods who gather the dead  
Swooping down to sever life's thread  
Scythes and glasses, herding masses  
Watching film stained in red

**X**

Oh, flaming London, burning bright  
Hell on Earth is quite a sight  
Angel screaming, souls redeeming  
Working throughout the night

**X**

**Grell:** Chains and razors make up my scythe  
Built to cut through flesh, bone, and life  
Snips discarded, motor started  
Humans my sacrifice

**X**

**All:** Oh, flaming London, burning bright  
Hell on Earth is quite a sight  
Angel screaming, souls redeeming  
Working throughout the night

**X**

**Will:** Grabber I, its ends long and hard  
Here with book and business cards  
Judging, chiding, coldly sighing  
My visage remains unmarred

**X**

**All:** Oh, flaming London, burning bright  
Hell on Earth is quite a sight  
Angel screaming, souls redeeming  
Working throughout the night

**X**

**Undertaker:** Sickle curve that matches my smile  
Slicing motions charm and beguile  
Undertaking, task elating  
Chuckling all the while

**X**

**All:** Oh, flaming London, burning bright  
Hell on Earth is quite a sight  
Angel screaming, souls redeeming  
Working throughout the night

**X**

Shinigami don't get to rest  
Souls to reap and fortunes to test  
London's fire growing higher  
Covering all with death

**X**

Oh, flaming London, burning bright  
Hell on Earth is quite a sight  
Angel screaming, souls redeeming  
Working throughout the night

**XXX**


	5. The 12 Eps of Kuro

**Disclaimer: **I own neither "Kuro" nor the monstrosity known as "The 12 Days of Christmas."

**Author's Note: **C'mon. You guys _knew_ I'd have to tackle this song. It's a quintessential spoof! But because everyone knows the tune—as well as how the song works—I'll spare you (and myself) the agony of typing out the whole thing. Instead, this will just be the "last verse," where all twelve days are listed. Have fun singing the full version, though, those of you who choose to attempt such a feat… ^_~

**Warnings: **For fun—and because this is the last KuroXmas song of the season— I added a scripted parody between the lines. This parody is full of gay. Just so you know. And in the spirit of the season, I tried to make it enjoyable for as many fans as possible: it contains (in order of content) SebaxCiel, SebaxGrell, GrellxUndertaker, GrellxWill (sorta), and orgy-implications. XD; Oh. And spoilers through the end of the anime, as well! (Just FYI.)

**XXX**

**12 Eps of Kuro**

_To the Tune of: "12 Days of Christmas"_

**XXX**

**_In the twelfth ep of "Kuro" Sebastian gave to me…_**

**_Twelve lame catch-phrases—_**

(Sebastian: …

Ciel: They are kinda lame.

Sebastian: Over used, perhaps. Not lame. And I don't have twelve of them.

Ciel: Well, let's see. There's "yes, my lord…"

Sebastian: There is.

Ciel: …there's "one hell of a butler" and "demon and a butler…"

Sebastian: That makes three.

Ciel: …and there's about a billion renditions of "as a servant of Phantomhive, it's only _natural_ that I should be able to" blahblahblah.

Sebastian: Correct.

Ciel: So you're right. You don't have twelve catch-phrases. You have way more than that.

Sebastian: Exactly! Because, as a servant of Phantomhive, it's only _natural_ that I should have a phrase prepared for every occasion.

Ciel: … *facepalm*)

**_Eleven awkward touches—_**

(Grell: If Sebastian is giving out awkward touches, where are mine? *flutters eyelashes*

Sebastian: *flatly* I gave them to the young master. Sorry.

Lau: Only eleven?

Will: We'd be here all day if we were to count_ every_ awkward touch in this series… especially since we have a character like Grell Sutcliffe. And we can't afford to waste that much time.

Grell: My touches aren't awkward! They're full of loooooove and heart and—

Will: —material for sexual harassment lawsuits.

Undertaker: Hahahaha~ You should be a comedian, William… you've got great timing. X3

Grell: So do I! :D

Undertaker: Yes. But that's a different kind of timing. Heehee~)

**_Ten ticking seconds—_**

(Sebastian: The young master has to learn his numbers from _someone_.

Ciel: Your timing could have been better on that lesson, though.

Grell: Are we talking about timing again? Because I bet Sebas-chan has _great_ timing…

Sebastian: The young master doesn't seem to think so, in this particular instance.

Grell: Would you like to prove him wrong with me? :D

Sebastian: …no. And we've already passed the 'awkward touches' portion of the song, Grell, so you can stop molesting the front of my pants.)

**_Nine successful rescues—_**

(Ciel: And by the way, that was way more than ten seconds! I clung to that stupid I-beam for at least a good twenty—

Sebastian: Pardon me, young master, but we are now done with that section, as well.

Ciel: …oh. What are we on, then?

Sebastian: Something relating to your tendency to attract pedophiles with chloroform.

Ciel: But we already did 'awkward touches.'

Sebastian: So we did. However, if you'd recall— this song is about _me_ giving things to you. I never use chloroform.

Ciel: No, you just spike my tea.

Sebastian: But not with chloroform. In any case, what do I _do_ when you chance to be kidnapped by other men?

Ciel: Well, you bitch a lot about the rest of the day's schedule being off.

Sebastian: And?

Ciel: And you ruin all of my good silverware by slamming it through peoples' heads.

Sebastian: _And_?

Ciel: And then you have your way with me before releasing me from whatever bonds the creeps have put me in.

Sebastian: ...okay, fair. But before that last bit, what do I do?

Ciel: If I'm lucky, you get out the lube.

Sebastian: …………...let's just go on to the next verse.)

**_Eight chess allusions—_**

(Undertaker: Heehee~ I'm a pawn.

Aberline: Was a pawn. :3

Madam Red: Dead pawn.

Lau: Also a pawn! And also dead. :D And so is Ranmao. Isn't that right, Ranmao?

Ranmao: …seaweed.

Lizzie: I think I'm a pawn…? (Which piece is the pawn again? Is it cute?)

Maylene: A… a… pawn…?

Finny: What's chess? :D

Bard: Do pawns get to use dynamite?

Sebastian: No.

Bard: *grumbles* I bet knights, do, though…

Soma: Can I be a curry-eating pawn? :3

Agni: Of course you can, Lord Soma! *makes curry*

Sebastian: …my lord, I think we've figured out why you have such trouble winning this game: you're playing with one king, one knight, and far-too-many pawns.

Ciel: ......*sigh*)

**_Seven bad disguises—_**

(Sebastian: What do you mean, bad? A mask is a perfectly reasonable disguise.

Ciel: We could still clearly tell who you were, though. That's a bad disguise.

Sebastian: Lady Elizabeth didn't recognize me, did she?

Ciel: Yes, well… it was Lizzie. That hardly counts.

Sebastian: ………………...at least I wasn't in a dress.

Ciel: *grits teeth* A simple order could change that...

Sebastian: My lord enjoys seeing men in women's clothing?

Ciel: _No_, what I'd enjoy would be seeing you look a fool, for a change.

Sebastian: I'm afraid you would be disappointed, then. I look quite good in a dress.

Ciel: …you've worn one before?

Sebastian: Do you remember how I asked you not to look at my true-demon-form…?

Ciel: ……………………………...)

**_Six tea-time sweeties—_**

(Lizzie: Sweets! They're so cute! :D

Sebastian: Don't eat too many, Lady Elizabeth.

Lizzie: Don't worry, I won't get a stomachache.

Sebastian: I worry more about you getting fat.

Lizzie: …………you're kind of mean, Mr. Sebastian.

Sebastian: And you're kind of annoying. We all have our crosses to bear, don't we? *pours the tea*)

**_FIVE SAPPHIRE RINGS~_**

(Sebastian: I believe the original lyrics were "engagement rings"…

Ciel: Haha, no. -_- That's not what happened.

Sebastian: Isn't it? I'm fairly certain I was down on my knees at the time… right before you…

Ciel: That happens a lot, though.

Sebastian: *smirks* Indeed.

Ciel: …get that grin off of your face, you perverted demon. That's not what I meant.

Sebastian: I'm not perverted. After all, we're engaged now, aren't we? That makes this—*grabby hands*—fair game.

Ciel: I'm telling you, that _wasn't_ a propos— _ah_…!

Sebastian: How convenient that we're not part of the next few verses... *chuckles*)

**_Four useless servants—_**

(Bard: People often forget about Tanaka. Which, really, makes him the most useless of all.

Tanaka: Ho ho ho!

Finny: Awww, are you doing your Santa impression, Mr. Tanaka? :D

Bard: …that's what he _always_ says, Finny.

Tanaka: Ho ho ho!

Maylene: It really is an oddly-appropriate response, though… given the time of year, and all…)

**_(A) Three-person army—_**

(Maylene: I'm the assassin.

Bard: I'm the soldier.

Finny: I'm the gardener! :D

Maylene and Bard: …

Finny: …what?

Maylene and Bard: _And?_

Finny: …

Maylene and Bard: *stare*

Finny: …_and_ a seventh grader's science fair experiment gone horribly, horribly wrong. -_-

Bard: That's better.

Finny: You know, being constantly reminded of that doesn't do much for my self-esteem…

Maylene: But the truth shall set you free!

Finny: You know what else set me free? The young master. When he let me be the _gardener. _

Maylene: And when he gave me my glasses…

Bard: And when he saved me from the battlefield…

Maylene, Finny, and Bard: …young master. *luvs*)

**_Two destructive fires—_**

(Ciel: Wait, wha… what is this about _two_ fi— ah!

Sebastian: Never you mind, young master. *molests*

Grell: Hey! You said no more 'awkward touches' because that verse was over! So how come _he_ gets some?!

Sebastian: I assure you, these aren't 'awkward.'

(Ciel: _Oh~! _Nnn, Sebastian… don't you _dare_ stop—!)

Lau: Perhaps, but what does this have to do with fires and destruction?

Sebastian: Well, fires are caused by heat and friction, correct? And there is a great deal of _that_ going on right now… isn't that right, young master?

Ciel: ~~~! _Ah…_

Sebastian: And as for destruction—

Grell: —I will destroy something if I don't get my turn. *growls*

Sebastian: *still badtouching Ciel; sigh* Grell, if you continue to act like a petulant child, I will be forced to treat you as such.

Lau: By forming a contract with him in order to avenge the wrongs that have happened in his life?

Ciel: *dryly* Hah—aaaaa_aaah_~

Sebastian: Very funny. No.

Grell: Then what _do _you mean by that?

Sebastian: I will have to give you a spanking.

Grell: …really? :D

Ciel: Way to—_oh—discourage_ him, moron~!

Sebastian: Hm. I suppose I should have thought that threat through a little more… _mmm… _yes, do that again, young master… Good boy. X3

Grell: *throwing a tantrum* I want a spanking! I want a spanking! I want a spanking!

Will: Perhaps that's what you _want, _but what you're going to _get_ is a large rod over-the-head if you don't shut up, Grell Sutcliffe.

Grell: …I could work with that, too. X3

Will: …

Undertaker: If you wish, I could give you an autopsy while you wait for Mr. Butler to finish. I promise it will be most enjoyable… heehee.

Grell: …will I be naked?

Undertaker: Yes.

Grell: Will you be naked?

Undertaker: Probably.

Grell: Will I be poked and prodded by lots of long instruments?

Undertaker: If William decides to join us, I'm sure.

Grell: Will he be there? *points to Lau*

Lau: If I can sneak in. (Take that as you will.)

Grell: …alright then.

*They link arms and skip off to the Undertaker's shop.*

Ciel: About… _ah_… time they left…!

Sebastian: Time, my lord? Are we talking about timing, again? Because if we are, I think this would be a excellent opportunity to ask you to reassess your previous declarati—

Ciel: Sebastian. I am ten seconds away from ordering you to shut the hell up and just fuck me.

Sebastian: Oh? Shall I count down for you? For old time's sake.

Ciel: That would be more than ten seconds, then, wouldn't it? Can't wait that long. Fuck me _now._

Sebastian: Yes, my lord. X3)

**_And a contract to destroy my enemies!_**


End file.
